There is a girl I know who is simply amazing. My daughter, Emma, is an incredible person. All parents say that, I realize, and we are all correct. Emma is incredible in many ways; as an example, she is hilariously funny. At two years old, she used to not just wave “bye bye” but instead would blow a kiss and say “Ciao!”. She did it once and got some giggles and it stuck for nearly a year. At eight years old, she has perfected her comic timing so that very unexpectedly, she can bring us all to laughter. She also puts on shows for us, lip syncing every Taylor Swift song and acting out the lyrics in an interpretive dance. Another example is that Emma is a voracious reader; I actually didn’t believe her when she read her first chapter book in less than three days. I made her do a verbal book report to prove she had read it. And she had. That was two years ago.
But Emma is not all sugar and spice. She and I continually work on what we call “Taming the Beast” within her. Emma, in spite of her calm and sweet demeanor most of the time; loving and kind to all who know her, has a wicked temper. Particularly when it is time for school or if she wants a pajama day on a weekend, Emma can turn into a Tasmanian devil; hissing and biting at all who come into contact with her. During those times, her father and I feel like lion tamers with a whip in one hand and a chair in another. I have actually said to my son, her younger brother, “Stay away from her! She’s going to hurt you!” And then, when the temper passes, she crumples into tears and sobs of “I’m sorry” and “I love you”.
The beast within Emma, I have told her, is absolutely genetic. The same beast lives within me; dormant for many years now, only coming out on rare occasions and usually around housecleaning. I have told Emma, one of the things to remember is that she has to learn to tame her beast; to breathe deeply and calm herself before she lashes out. This is nearly impossible at her age, but she is trying to manage it. Often, in the moments after a temper flare she will say, “The monster just got out. I couldn’t keep it in” and it reminds me of scenes from the ‘Incredible Hulk’. This temper of ours, it truly is a beast within; and comes out for no real reason at all. This beast of Emma’s, it really just wants love and to have its’ own way. The fact that she feels so badly about it breaks my heart, a mother’s heart who cannot take that sting away for her daughter. And to know that she, like me, will have to learn to calm herself because the good part of Emma, the angel side, is so much larger and she should not allow herself to be defined by her temper.
Luckily, she really only shows the beast within to her immediate family; and I know that is because we are her most cherished and loved. At times, it is difficult to remember that during the temper tantrums of “I hate you. You are the worst mother ever. You are stupid.” But I know that when the storm passes, she will feel terrible and take back all the hateful words and we will be able to get to the root of what is bothering her. She, like me, has to guard against being overwhelmed by her emotions. She, like me, will cry when she sees other people’s pain. She is a tremendous friend, who will fight any injustice leveled at her crew, and she wants to be loved by all who know her. She feels all of it immensely and it is that feeling; that giant heart that Emma has that ultimately makes her so incredible.
Both the good and bad parts of having such emotions make her a joy to have as a child. Most of the time, Emma is nothing but pure love; she is freakishly strong when she hugs me as I come in from work. She asks me how my day was as I ask her the same. She makes up secret girlfriend handshakes and includes me in them with her friends. She picks up her brother, no small feat, and carries him around when her love for him becomes overpowering or she will kiss his cheek until he cries “no more death by kisses!!” And her love for her father spills over onto the floor; she has made up special sayings for them like, “Hers loves hims” and will cry when I sing “Bye Baby Bunting” to her because the song is about a daddy leaving to find a blanket for his baby.
I am comforted in this journey with Emma because I know she has the right stuff to tame the beast within her sweet soul; because she has an infinite palette of emotions. As she ages and matures, I am excited to see what she will paint with that palette in her mural of life. She is an incredible child, and I treasure every experience with her; including the beast within.
